Allowing Myself to be Transparent

"What a beautiful name. I love to watch how it falls off the lips of those who love Him. I shudder as it falls off the lips of those who don't. Jesus. It has been the most important and most consistent word in my life. Dearer today than yesterday. Inexpressibly precious to me personally, so I am at a loss to comprehend what the name means universally." Beth Moore

I am deeply reminded of Jesus today. No, not just of the name but the reality of who He is. My heart is beating faster at the thought of Him. It's as if this world is growing strangely dim, and I can't see anything but Him. I can't see my mistakes, hurt, pain, laughter caused by anything or anyone a part from Him. This is such an odd and unfamiliar place. I want to go deeper with El Roi -the God who sees-"spanning the universe in panoramic view, every galaxy at His gaze", and yet it's me His eyes land on. The thing is, I don't want to just go deep, I don't just want to be made new, I want the ultimate level of intimacy. I want what no one who has walked this earth has ever experienced with Him ... even the disciples. Sounds crazy and slightly ridiculous but doesn't He want us to go crazy with Him? How badly does He want us to desire Him in this way?! Don't we long to be desired this way by someone we love and care about? There is a reason we desire this, because we are children of God and we are like our Father. Jesus came with a purpose, and He did not allow himself to get sidetracked from that purpose. He came for us, He came to die and save us. Therefore, if anything in this world won't give me more of Jesus, I really don't see a reason to partake. If I lose this world, then so be it because, like Jesus, I have a purpose and it's HIM. I wonder if we make too much gray out of this world and complicate God because God is not a God of confusion. He just wants our heart. *1 Corinthians 14:33*


This is what God is about. Crazy about Him.
Beautiful by Shawn McDonald

GOD Changes Lives

I am urged to preface this entry with saying that I am the worst of sinners. I have experienced a life of hell (anything a apart from God) and desire nothing more then to speak of the goodness of GOD. I have wasted so much of my life being lukewarm. The Lord cannot tolerate a person proclaiming Christ and living in a secret life of sin and he did not tolerate me. My desire and heart is nothing but a sincere and genuine love for God and his creation. I can't help but want to share what I have learned about God through writing. Use me how you will, Lord. May you experience nothing but a humble heart and God's love when reading any of these posts.

I wonder if we have any idea how crazy God is?! If you want to see a rule breaker, look up. :) Our pastor showed this video to our church body on Sunday. I am deeply reminded that God IS still the same God as the Old and New Testament ... GLORY! Oh how easily I have sold him short. Full surrender = a new life, new name, and new life purpose. Let go of your past (past hangouts, desires, relationships, friendships-anything that causes you to separate from the holiness of God) and watch God rebuild and renew. I can't get enough of that word, renew! You think Job had it good in the blessings he received after the "storm"... just wait until God gets done with you if you but remain faithful and obedient to him. Friend, give God all of your heart and all of your desires and be satisfied. He changes lives. You are never too far gone. I promise and so does God. Let's stop getting wrapped up in all our righteous acts and just give God our heart. All righteous acts are like filthy rags to God anyways ... (Isaiah 64:6).

Video:
I Am Second

Crazy about Truth

I crave God's word. I crave to have more and more of Jesus. I am so deeply in love with our Savior. For someone to die for my wretched sin because of love for me blows my mind. I have nothing to give but the rest of my days. I want to go to heaven tired and exhausted; bruised and beaten for the name of Jesus. I am the worst of sinners. If He can give me a new name, He can give you a new name ... LIVE.

Recently, I have developed an infatuation with truth. I love when truth is told in completeness/fullness, which is why I am addicted to God's Word - Complete Truth in perfect fullness. 1 Peter 4 demonstrates the truth of what God so deeply desires and expects from followers of Christ. I am so grateful for such evident truth. May His words fall on you in perfect peace. He loves you deeply and wants nothing more than your heart.

1 Peter 4
Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do-living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit. 


The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and power for ever and ever. Amen. 


If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

"What If"

God is "wrecking" me, and a part of that process is opening my eyes to HIS truth. There are many things God is teaching me through this process, but there is one illuminating theme: Full Surrender. What if I have created my own God? What if I wasn't fully surrendered to the God of the universe; rather bowing my knees to the world?

Yes, God is a God of love and forgiveness but is he not also Judge? May I submit that forgetting he is Judge is doing him no harm but us. Do we not ultimately answer to Him? God is holy. Holy means set a part from sin. Therefore, how can I say I am a follower of God and yet (knowingly) go to places that were built for sin? The truth is, I can't.

If I had a theme for the rest of my life, the video below would be it. Dear ones, what if we are just living the "Christian twist of the American Dream" (David Platt).



"But What if You're Wrong"

Her Unfinished Story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRltqI_8S3Q

This is my story. This is the power of our God. May I never forget a life a part from my Lord again. Rather, may I take my experience and use it for His glory. May Jesus wreck you as He wrecked me. Bless you.

Name Calling by Beth Moore ~

My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name. You may have no idea what I've been through because I do my best to look the same. I am scared to death of you. I used to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping it on my hymnal. 

I was well respected back then, and I respected myself. I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then I'd repent ... because I knew that I was wrong. I didn't want to be wrong. Not ever. 

People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remember I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I'd just wake up. But I fear I'm wide awake. I have had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me. Had.

If I could really talk to you and you could really listen, I'd tell you I have not idea how all this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didn't plan to be Had. One day I hadn't, then the next day I had. 

Oh, I know now where I went wrong. I have rewound the nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point I departed the trail of good sense. The way ahead didn't look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didn't look like the devil in the original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I will never laugh again as long as he is laughing. 

If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I would walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be Had. I would be Proud. Was that my old name? I can't even remember who I was anymore. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I don't know anymore. 

Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just knew I got stuck somewhere unfamiliar, and soon I didn't like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home.   My ankle didn't even hurt at first. Not until the infection set in. Then I thought I would die.

I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness. I got scared. I pulled the brush over me and hid. Then I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me. I didn't belong there. I refused to die there. 

I pulled and pulled the trap, but the foothold wouldn't budge. The  blood gushed. I had no way out. I screamed for God. I told Him where I was and the shape I was in. He came for me. 

The infection is gone. He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly. As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, "You deserve this, you know. You've been Had." Because I did and I know and I have. He hasn't said it yet. I don't know whether He will or not. I don't know how much I trust Him yet. I've never known Him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal with time. But I fear I will always walk with a limp. 

You see, I wrestled with the devil and he gave me a new name. Had. 


I may walk with a limp, but I rather walk with a limp alongside God then indulge in the world a part from God. My story doesn't end here. Rather, it ends here ....(by Beth Moore)

I tricked you into thinking 

I would never be all right.

That's what I thought too.

  I lied.

My God thought differently

And I've decided to believe Him

  Instead of you.

   My enemy, 

    You've been Had.

Micah 7:8 *~* Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.

This is a story of beauty for ashes where God (and God alone) can be the author.